The return to the classic 80s action movie comes back to the earth this Friday. This doesn’t have any of the crap that modern action movies have, including 3D, anyone names Shia, no one dying, letting bad guys live and other pussy gay marriage crap. Instead we get Stallone and Lundgren back together for the first time since Rocky IV to bring the pain Ronald Ray-Gun style. So put on your Ayatollah Asshola t-shirt, which has become strangely relevant again and head to the theatre with your boys and a couple 4-Locos (I think I’m still the only person that has never had these) and leave your girlfriend at home because this movie has been scientifically proven to machine gun down birth control and get her pregnant.
If you happen to not think this movie is kick ass enough, here are the character names that Sly came up with, you little whiny girl:
Cast
Sylvester Stallone ... Barney Ross
Jason Statham ... Lee Christmas
Jet Li ... Ying Yang
Dolph Lundgren ... Gunner Jensen
Eric Roberts ... James Munroe
Randy Couture ... Toll Road
Steve Austin ... Paine
David Zayas ... General Garza
Giselle Itié ... Sandra
Charisma Carpenter ... Lacy
Gary Daniels ... The Brit
Terry Crews ... Hale Caesar
Mickey Rourke ... Tool
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