Tree Justice

So I’m doing the internet surfing as I’m want to do while I’m supposed to be working and came upon this article from The Salt Lake Trib about a blind man suing the Wienerschnitzel over running into a tree.  Of course this is my kind of story, because I generally hate frivolous law suits, love people walking into trees, especially blind people and will defend Der Wienerschnitzel to the death, mini corndogs are better than sex, and not in the way chicks talk about chocolate being better than sex in some bullshit metaphorical way, they are literally better in every way.

What really made this article is  the opening line by Bob Mims:

All Nathan Reynolds wanted was a hot dog. Instead, as the blind man walked toward a Wienerschnitzel restaurant last year, he got a face full of tree — and severe neck injuries.

It’s like the kind of article that would be in a Will Farrell movie or something, it’s as if he just wrote thinking some editor would say no way we are putting this crap in a real newspaper, but nope, there it is.  This is mostly the reason that I haven’t read a newspaper in years, unless they just become complete self parody like this I think that I might stay out.  The most awesome part though was this wasn’t even the best line to be read, one of the commenters just crushed it.  Since many of you may not read Utah news comments, they are terrible, religious diatribes most of the time so I don’t usually read them but this is different, after 4 or 5 people complain about how law suits like this ruin the economy, blah, blah, blah Utahstufmuffin4 (hard to believe that 1-3 were already take) brings out the heat with “If I was blind, I’m not sure I’d want to eat hot dogs anyway” and then was quickly followed up with Tasm dropping “Why was a blind man walking so fast the he be knocked down when he hit something?”  These were of course followed up with about 10 school teachers types bitching about making fun of blind people and people that have tree induced neck injuries and what not.  But screw them, it’s my goal that all blog commentary be turned into Filmdrunk style nonsense.